Okay yea I am decidedly dizzy, weak, tired and headachy but I have made no huge changes. One minor change is intaking way more carbs than I normally do - but can that cause dizziness? I mean I try to eat mostly protein, fat, vegetables however I have not been strict about it so that a few days of taking in more than double the carbs I normally get shouldn't lead to dizziness - hunger and sleepiness maybe but not dizziness/headachy-ness. So, I think I did do some damage to my poor head. My sis, an RN, says I would know by now if there were something seriously wrong and that it can take weeks for a concussion to heal - it's been 11 days. So plan of action: cut way back on carbs, no drinking today, gardening is off (or maybe try when it cools off but if bending over hurts my head stop), take it easy but do do exercises from PT, make certain take meds exactly and vitamins exactly, try a sleep app (I have been waking when the tv turns off so 2-3 hrs after going to bed and that's an annoyance and I think I really need some good sleep) and tomorrow in addition to veggie drink add a cup of espresso. Let's see if I can turn this around hmm?
So how do I feel today? I am kinda sad that I don't feel well but otherwise I am of good cheer, slightly serious mood but not officially down n out at all.
What about the empath thing? Well I think I have already concluded everyone (except perhaps psychopaths n the like or people with damaged hardware/brain) is at least somewhat an empath and like almost all human behavior people lie somewhere on a bell curve. I am probably not in the middle of the bell curve but on the far outside but I DO know people who are even more sensitive than I and therefore not the extreme far side and I don't know that it has been studied enough to put stats on it but I am guessing about 5% of the population or thereabouts is on the ending part of the curve (some aware of it some not) and less than 1% on the extreme far side of the end (they would definitely be aware of it but might not know what it is). The reason I know a disproportionate number of empaths is likely the birds of a feather thing and the fact that I participate in spiritual groups online so naturally I am gonna run into more of them than people who do not follow this stuff.
I know people who claim they can forsee the future in dreams and some in visions. I know people who can remote view (visit a place psychically and describe it) on command. I know people who can remove unwanted attachments (ghosts n demons n the like) and I have removed an attachment from someone and took it on myself in order to take myself to a friend who I knew for sure could get rid of it - a very uncomfortable thing to do. I have what are called some clair-senses - now and again I hear the answer to a question I am asking someone before they say it for example I ask someone how many children do they have, the number 6 pops up in my head and the person says 6. This is not a very handy tool as the answer generally follows straight away LOLOLOLOL. However it is possible that I could develop this tool?/skill?/talent? by practicing (and I am not sure if this is like mind-reading or just a knowing). I can affect others at a distance. This I had been only slightly aware of prior to a friend running a little experiment on me and now I know for sure that I can affect people physically/emotionally no matter how far away they are without communicating verbally or in any other way at the time of doing it. I had been aware of this previously due to Wicca actually and some practice of Reiki. I have done healing on people effectively and I do continue to do that although not as often as I used to.
I kinda fell away from Wicca. In my studies of religion I find that I am more a mystic than a pagan. In Judaism, Gnostic Christianity, Hinduism and Buddhism (and even some very small groups of Islam I forget their name there are some mystical sects who ring my bells so to say) there are all mystical branches or sects and their thinking is remarkably similar to each other and I tend towards that more than a Wiccan point of view HOWEVER I DO find out of all practices (sans African drums/dancing and I would guess voodoo as well but I have little interest in that) they are most effective in terms of getting results that one can notice so when my cat is lost or someone else has lost a pet a Wiccan ritual will usually bring them round or if someone is ill it is helpful although this is far from easy to tell as often people will ask for help, say on facebook, but then not say later that they are well or for whatever reason I don't find out the results. And more so sometimes for reasons only the universe knows it is for the person's best that they have to deal with illness or death and beyond that small measures of improvement are not often reported YET there have been studies demonstrating that prayer works and I believe that it does and have had enough positive results to confirm in my mind anyway that prayer (in combo with ritual more so) is helpful in healing.
Okay and so what is my point? Well a couple things I almost never pray for myself. WHY??? And why did I slow way down on doing rituals for others to begin with? It is not lack of interest or care so what is it. Had I become a bit jaded? or discouraged? or was it that extended depression when my mom died and I went off pain killers about 3 months previously which that alone can put one in a chemical depression but the combo is a one-two punch. I guess the major question tho because we are after all talking about me (even as odd as that may be) is why have I not been doing rituals for my own well-being? It is not a lack of belief. It could be that I for whatever reason do not think that I am worth the effort??!! .... well and that kinda stops me in my tracks. I mean it is something I have questioned before but never followed up on. Now putting it on paper so to say one does need to actually follow that up with some pondering or experimenting or something right?
And with that I am going to stop for now as I am perplexed. I do not know the answer. I DO know that I have trouble trusting myself - maybe that is why. And maybe that is why also I don't meddle with others near as much as I used to - by meddle I just mean try to heal LOL. Still in Wicca one does not do rituals for folks without their permission - I kinda put a qualifier on this - if people ask for prayer I figure Wiccan ritual is no different than Catholic transubstantiation (communion) therefore a petition for prayer is acceptance that you'll get any variety LOL that people have to offer. And at this point I think I am actually far enough away from Wicca that if someone were to ask me personally to pray for them (well and attitudes have changed about prayer people are now much more aware than say 20 years ago that prayers can come from a variety of religious practices) I would just do my normal ritual for healing and not even bother to ask them if that's okay. I wouldn't go so far as to do a ritual for someone who has not asked for prayer for healing - but I DO continue to pray in a more traditional Christian fashion for a variety of reasons including for people who are ill or hurting but have not specifically asked for prayers... but still very very rarely for myself. In fact the only times I have prayed ardently for myself (besides when I was a child) were 2 - 1. was when I was suicidal I prayed long and loudly at God/dess/IT/ALL/ONE whatever you call it to please take my life and swore at IT in the morning when I woke up and 2. was when I was dealing with a pretty heavy duty case of alcoholism and I went to AA and they suggested prayer and I kinda half-heartedly but DID pray for my own healing. That's not to say I don't ever talk to IT I do but more in a conversational sense not in petition for something. More than anything I make jokes at IT in a pleasant way eg: YOU saw this coming didn't YOU??!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL Or a mild form of cursing eg bless the Goddess, lords and ladies I swear blah blah blah LOLOLOLOLOL whatever I am asserting at the moment LOL. (mmm writing makes my head hurt worse!!!)
No comments:
Post a Comment