day 3 4/27/20 gripes LOL

Okay I am very frustrated with myself and other people about this social distancing and isolation.  Yesterday I watched this interview with doctors about immunology and how it works in the real world and basically we are ALL compromising our immune system by not shaking people's hands, touching things then touching our face, etc (which is HOW WE BUILD AND MAINTAIN our own immunity).  We are not getting the good viruses and bacteria that we normally do and that keep our immune systems strong and healthy and what's worse is that covid19 is still out there regardless we did this experiment in staying home alone so that when we do go out now unprotected by our normal immune system having gone way down due to all this sanitizing everything we will be hit doubly hard and to top it off all the hospitals and drs have shut down and laid off people because everyone including myself was too scared to go to the doctor when they needed to.  Just to add to the horror the normal treatments people with heart disease and diabetes etc get they have not been getting so they will be experiencing more troubles and then to make matters even worse wife and child beating has gone way up as has alcoholism molestation and suicide and now we have a system basically running at less than half staff at hospitals so that when we do open up we won't have the staff needed to help us all now that we've alll compromised ourselves!!!  UGH!

Why would the world react this way?? MEDIA!!!  HYSTERIA!!!  It is THE PERFECT STORM!!!

okay done with that gripe.  I am frustrated because my head still hurts - I did finally get about 7 hours sleep even though I had to eat again in order to go back to bed.

How do I feel - helpless!! frustrated!!  Irritated!!  I did take my meds regularly and vitamins etc and head still hurts, world is still on shut down and I have gone broke - plus I am not getting anything done when I should be getting TONS done as I have PLENTY of time to do stuff and all the stuff here I need to do it!!!  It's like the perfect storm is not just happening out in the world but in my own home as well.  But okay back to empath - am I picking up emotions of those in my neighborhood???!!!  How do I stop that?  I think probably do a ritual of self protection and asking for earth energy and universal (stars) energy instead of my neighbors' energy!!  Cuz this laying around all day with a headache is getting real old real fast.

Okay afternoon update - day got better, head got MUCH better and I am in a much more pleasant mood.  LOL  I got some stuff done finally with the help of a painkiller and was feeling motivated - got some gardening and house cleaning done and am making this bacon, turnip, kale in lemongrasss beef bone broth with a touch of stevia and cider vinegar and garlic, onions and some HOT spices (HEAT it's called - I get it from Hawt Toddy's - there is a facebook page and a website and I highly recommend it) when I scraped the bottom of my foot on a nail on my new porch which looked pristine to me because the nail was painted the same as the rest.  Anyway it's a pretty bad cut but I needn't worry about getting a shot cuz the nail was completely covered in paint - no rust.  Still now I am back to sitting (feet up) and frustrated I can't get all I want done today but laughing at myself.  I am one of those extremely accident prone persons - like the day after it snowed here in GA I broke my ankle and wrist both multiple fractures HAHAHAHHAHAHA cuz I didn't see that the concrete was covered in ice and slipped and of course put out my hand and duhhhhh Yikes - it's largely due to me not paying close enough attention and poor eyesight and refusal to wear glasses.  SO totally my fault and I take responsibility.... but I honestly try to be careful and I try to get done what I can LOL.   You can see I was gardening barefoot and hard to get a photo but no that is not an extra toe that is a big flap of the skin off the bottom of my foot - I washed it, put it back together and bandaged it but I am betting I will have to cut off that skin yuck LOL.

Anyway I shall do work on computer today and tomorrow I have PT and my nephew's 16th bday "party" - 2 families practicing social distancing on their lawn eating tacos LOL  probably right around 10 peeps or maybe 11 or 12 but since two of them are nurses - one labor and delivery one emergency - they feel strongly they should keep the distancing up regardless the various opinions about the cost of isolating vs the benefit and I get it.  They have kids they're scared.

Okay back to mood/empath - I do not feel like I am catching anyone's negativity at present and everyone I talked to today seems upbeat so it's all good.  My own mood this morning was probably half due to pain and the frustration from that and half a reaction to something I read.  But so what?  I mean people's moods go up and down naturally day to day or even all in one day - mine tend to be kinda extreme but not near as extreme as they used to be.  I seem to be on a good combo of meds presently.  I hope they keep being helpful and not become an issue of dealing with side effects of long term use.  I had lost my period for just shy of a decade plus any sex drive due to one anti-psychotic that was necessary to keep me out of the hospital but I feel like part of my life was taken from me.  Anyway very very grateful now as one doctor had told me the likelihood of getting over bipolar disorder is so low as to be negligent in terms of statistics and here I am MUCH better than I used to be sooo..... I figure I am lucky!!!  Plus I have a nice house and yard and live near my family now and have wonderful friends and just actually grateful that I am still here!!

Back deck, pond, foggy morning:

This angle doesn't really show how big the yard is but it is like I am here all by myself my property especially out back looks like it's just me here!  LOLOLOL  It's a pleasant illusion.  And I am very happy with this house/property/pond situation and again consider myself lucky.

Okay another gripe:  when people will not read both sides of an argument they are not really making a choice - they are following a crowd.  They are sheep being herded.  I see this on both sides.. I actually do read and listen to both sides of every argument and often times find myself on the fence because they both make good points but at least when I finally choose something it is MY choice.  I mean sure hard core liberals or conservatives choose to be so but imo it is the atmosphere, the saturation of the environment in which they work or their  friends and family or media or whatever but they are not really actually exercising real choice they are brainwashed.  If they can't even hear out someone they are beyond able to make an informed choice.  At least that is my opinion.  I tend to fall a little liberal, a little conservative and a little my own ideas that no one will entertain.  I am not progressive or libertarian either so there is no one (well there is one person but she doesn't participate AT ALL in social media) that backs my opinions up or a group I can go to who will put forth my views or already have them - it simply doesn't exist.  So I guess from now on instead of voting for a president I will vote independent and only vote the issues cuz it has been years and years since I have actually liked one of the candidates that actually made it into the running.

There are a couple people I know who DO actually read both sides and will sometimes vote liberal and sometimes conservative but they are rare birds indeed and they tend to not even bother trying to argue with anyone about it - cuz they know those people aren't really listening - and I should take a cue from them!  And not bother arguing my opinion too because it almost always ends with me either losing a friend or in tears because people are sooo mean now or just in a bad mood for most of the rest of the day.  I refuse to do the name calling thing unless you take me to where I am now psychotic which happened once last October and was a disaster - I lost all sense of reality LOLOLOLOL but when I am out of my head first off I am sooo out of my head I don't even remember it and I am TRULY not with it anymore - delusional - that is thinking stuff logically that just isn't factually true - my logic still works - I am still just as smart but what I am saying is nonsense because it is coming from a crazy place and it can be very convincing to people - they actually believe I believe what I am saying because I am smart and that doesn't stop when I am delusional and why it is SUCH a burden sometimes to be bipolar.  I have to apologize to people at least 2-3 times a year for going off on them where I don't even remember the exchange just become aware afterwards whoops slipped into LA LA LAND I wonder just what happened and I have to go fact checking to find out.  So even though I have no control over this I still pay the consequences.  So best just not even get into debates at all.  Some people see this as wasting a good mind but they are not experiencing the consequences!!!!!  And this has little to do with empathy but I feel soooo bad in these exchanges it literally takes me out for 2-3 days at a time sometimes and sometimes even longer than that - so idk if it is because I am so bewildered that people can be such bullies or if I am feeling both my anger and pain plus their anger and pain but it does things to me that are just inhuman - the pain is INCREDIBLE!/beyond what humans can bear!  I just lose my shit!!! LOLOLOLOL

Anyhoo sorry to end on an off note but my headache has come back interestingly right after I ate and I am tired again - and it was a very low carb meal so idk why eating is affecting me this way except maybe your blood pressure goes up a bit after you eat or down or something happens idk what but I get tired and my head hurts likely cuz I really do have a concussion.   If it doesn't go away soon I WILL call the doctor damnit lOLOLOLOLOL