Took meds, haven't eaten anything yet today - probably will after PT around 330pm - then one more meal and that's it - intermittent fasting so far isn't working - need to make it more keto!! Also drank last night but finally got some good sleep - like 9 hrs - YAY!!
Since I am not making mixed drinks the drinking shouldn't affect diet terribly.
EMPATH - nothing going on there. Everyone has been pleasant so I don't feel especially like doing the grounding/shielding daily - but I just KNOW that one of these days I am gonna get hit with something and be unprepared. Maybe if when it comes on I do a mini-grounding at that moment while the person is going on and see if that helps. Ya know a simple countdown 10-1 imagining my self rooting strongly to the earth - breathe and try to logic myself into an understanding that I don't HAVE to take on someone else's emotions - that I CAN control this??? We'll see.
Feeling anxious and tummy upset and a bit dizzy all the sudden - but no cause I can think of - came on like a wave. I think perhaps I am frightened to be successful with the business. Ugh - don't let fear stop you!!! There IS a thing called concussion syndrome where people still get the symptoms from the concussion for a few months instead of just 7-10 days (it is more likely if you didn't follow drs' instructions which I decidedly did not - or even go to dr so...) - it's possible I suppose I have that. When I lay down or get up now I get a moment of vertigo and that never used to happen. Lots of people deal with that due to meds or heart problems etc so it's not a huge deal just disconcerting when you are unaccustomed to it. I need to be careful in both getting up or down too fast I think.
Ya know I was talking with a friend. Telling him my journal is boring - typical human - YAWN!!! LOL But he says maybe I will find out I am not who I thought I was. So here are some things I think about myself - we'll find out if they are true. I don't trust myself as much as I should. I do not take criticism well. I have too big a mouth - truthful about what I say but should often keep it to myself. I don't follow my gut enough. I have some good traits I am fun, funnny, bright and pretty. So getting men (or women for that matter) has never been that huge a problem (except for a couple years there after I spent about a decade on my own due to illness - during that time I was looking but I think I wasn't showing confidence - then somehow turned a corner and became confident again and they just keep rolling in marriage proposals, querries for dates etc (vast majority from men)). But okay so now that I have a boyfriend everyone wants to date me - and I am enjoying playing with them LOLOLOLOLOL. I asked my bf if he minds me flirting and he said not at all so we're kosher on the topic LOLOLOLOL.
Anyway back to the subject - will journaling show me the real me?? So far I am unimpressed LOL. But maybe I will look back on it later and think differently. Once I did a 30 day experiment in trying to lose my ego. I blogged about it and got about 600 or so followers. What I did was take a label I had placed on myself and described how it is true and then how I was going to let that go. So like bipolar, green eye'd, Irish, American, etc etc and it was an interesting exercise but no way did I manage to lose my ego. I DID manage years later to shut up that voice in my head for the most part - certainly not always and that voice IS ego. But it was a natural transition to just getting older and more mmmm not taking myself too sseriously.. Turns our if you don't give much credence to that voice it will eventually stop talking at you - it's when you invest emotion in what it says that I think it feeds on and makes it stronger. So learning to laugh at your silly thoughts helps them go away as does not entertaining them or otherwise taking them as truth but rather just go with the flow is the way I find personally to be the most effective way to live. That doesn't mean don't make plans - but write a todo list then let it go and check it time to time to make sure you are getting that stuff done.. If you are arguing about something in your head try to either resolve it or let it go - realize it isn't that important as your ego is making out!!! As Mother Theresa says Life is a Dream Realize it! And I think this is a truism. First off we don't even know whether we are the dream of a higher being or a product of some like Matrix thing. The only thing we can go on is our senses plus the confirmation of others that they sense the same but that isn't actually all that much to go on in terms of proof that this is REAL in the sense many think it is. Then you add on top of that the fact that at a quantum level things are popping into and out of existence at rates too fast for us to see and FINALLY the fact that you can alter your reality by merely changing the way you perceive things all are much better evidence that we first off are the creators of our reality and second off that reality is a much more fluid thing than any kind of mechanistic or Newtonian idea we grew up with. We don't work like clocks and neither does the universe - rather chaos theory and fuzzy logic and quantum things like spooky action at a distance or conversely Einstein's relativity are much more accurate portrayals of how we and the universe work - and they are weird ideas but backed by tons of scientific testing demonstrating no matter how weird these ideas are they are true enough to allow us to make things like cell phones rocket to mars, etc.
Okay so sent out package! And cleaning the kitchen - the whole house needs a good cleaning actually.. Laundry - took a xanax cuz something on facebook gave me a headache. All this business with some folks thinking we are doing right by wearing masks and social distancing and some folks (me included) thinking what we are doing is damaging our own immune systems and then people on the other side saying we are uncaring - it's not about caring or not - it's about the science. We gain and maintain our immunity through dealing with the world - if we cut ourselves off and destroy our good bacteria by over sanitizing we are majorly handicapping ourselves. My prediction when we go out we will be hit DOUBLY HARD - and unlike now we WILL have our full medical staff back to working and no more empty hospitals but very full hospitals. But I guess we shall see. And maybe 25 yrs from now we'll find out the truth of the whole situation. But all this bickering about it when we don't have enough info is just driving me nuts!! People might say well why not take the most extreme cautions if we don't have enough info - BECAUSE by taking those extreme cautions we are damaging our own immune systems PLUS damaging our economy and you know who will make money oiut of all this - those already billionaires!!! UGH and people think they aren't being manipulated - PUHLEEZE!!!
Ate almost entirely keto today - two meals one at 330p one at 930pm - see if I can reproduce that again tomorrow! Plus took an extra belbuca - I normally just take them during the day but I had skipped several days - sometimes so I can drink and sometimes cuz I just plain forget. It kills some pain I guess - I am wondering if it will help me sleep cuz minus the alcohol I don't think I will unless I double up on xanax and even then only 4 hrs cuz it exits your system in about that time. Soooo kinda messing with my meds - but since I tend to take way less than what is prescribed and I use common sense and I am motivated to not becoming addicted to any of the addictive stuff I think they'd be okay with it, even if technically it isn't kosher - it IS a more practical way to take meds - when you need them not just every so many hours whether you need them or not - which is I think how people become addicted. You take something like clockwork for 30 days and all the sudden you can't go without!!! Which is decidedly not fun! And I fully plan to avoid that!
I would make soap but it is already 945. I think rather go to sleep in a half an hour or so and make soap first thing in the morning. Nite Cyn lOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL omgosh lost my mind - and it's here for anyone to witness LOLOLOLOLOLOL
No comments:
Post a Comment