5/20/20

Okay lost a day - I was not unhappy but stressed idk why and drank last night and hungover today - not good.  Thankfully I am out of alcohol and will not buy more for a while AND I found my xanax so I have that to rely on for panic/anxiety.  So that is good - my mood is okay today thankfully as well  So some good news for a change.  I am shaky and dizzy so just kicking it also my thinking isn't clear so avoiding social media for the most part.  Market2Go delivered some food - I had some jasmine green tea with chevre and rye crackers YUM.  I am seeing RD on Friday not tomorrow thankfully and works out great as I am behind plus raining tomorrow anyway.  I don't like to drive long distances in it if I don't have to.  Raining today and loving it.  My body is super sensitive right now so not sitting outdoors cuz I tried and it hurts my back.  It would be good if I found some cushions for the chairs outside cuz they are metal and so hurt to sit on for very long.   Been having some paranoia not too terrible just more an annoyance but anything truly is better than depression and so I will put up happily with some mild paranoia any day of the week in comparison to depression.

Overall lovely day (minus not getting anything productive done) and going to end it with peach ice cream YUM.  Tomorrow for sure pick up the Remeron already. I think I have gone a week or more without.  If I sleep well again tonight I might not go back on the Remeron and only take Vraylar, assuming I can find it, as needed instead of daily as I think one or the other of those drugs was the cause of the sleeping problem.