Because I don't like journaling. I mean I love journals. I love the way books feel and smell and I love to read legible handwriting. I love handwriting that looks professional and all perfect or cutesy writing that looks whimsical with like little cutesy doodles or pics to go with it or even block letter handwriting so long as it doesn't hurt to read it. But every time I write someone a note they say "can't read it what does it say??" And I don't blame em either cuz I can't read my handwriting either! No joke no exaggeration I look at it years later and it might as well be in another language you truly can barely make out which side of the paper is up it is so bad. LOL I should have been a doctor!!!
But is that reason enough not to journal? NO - I also never remember to write in the damn things then weeks go by and someone asks me about it and I am like oh yea I did start a journal huh?? That is how very far from my memory it slips!! Well and to top it off I feel almost like it is invasive the process of journaling to myself no less!!! LOLOLOLOLOL Like I don't have the right to plumb these depths and surely no one else has the right to either (minus shrinks who I do tell truth to - actually I am one of those nasty arses that almost always says exactly what's on her mind without a filter on it LOL but I have grown at least somewhat in that now I speak a good bit less - for fear I hurt someone mostly).
So what does a modern woman who loses her keys daily, is very forgetful and cannot write even a thank you note that anyone can read but does remember that blogging wasn't the end of the world do? (talk about first world problems LOL) - she blogs as if anyone could give a rat's you know what (aha she used a filter LOL) about what I have to say about myself. So why write as if to an audience then? hmmmm idk maybe it is more palatable than writing to myself?? I mean it IS a weird concept no? writing to yourself about yourself?? Surely TONS of people do just that but it seems odd to me.
So here I am it is time to journal - do I even have anything to say? I was told by a friend to just write positive stuff about myself and things that I enjoy etc but that sounds awfully boring to me. I could do the exact opposite and rehash old injuries and boy do I have some tales to tell you!! But I have kinda been there, done that. So what's left? I am going to go with how I feel today. It's a start anyway.
I am annoyed! Because I feel like I HAVE to journal and I'm annoyed about the reason why. The reason is because one issue keeps shoving it's head up my life over and over the last couple years and I am not wanting to face it. EMPATH!!! I don't even like the word anymore. At first (like 15-20 years ago) when it became a thing to talk about I'd read articles on it and go oh yea that's me. But then it seemed to me all the sudden all my friends were empaths too. Then I noticed that all the things I was reading about them were negative and I am like hello the very last thing I need is another diagnosis!!! So I just put the whole thing aside and said screw it I have enough to worry about as it is (I have bipolar 1 disorder and I DID have lupus and dr says it could come back but says I only suffer degenerative arthritis and fibromyalgia now - only!! but believe me that's much better than lupus so I am grateful for whatever time I get without it!). And as it turns out birds of a feather DO flock together and my friends weren't just glamming onto the new thing to be and are in fact empaths also LOL. But at the time I had thought this is a bunch of baloney if it's so different then how come everyone says they are!! I STILL feel like it is waaaay over used OR that everyone is an empath just some people are alot more sensitive than others is all. I am the overly sensitive person. People are always saying you are sooo sensitive!! And it's true. I can dish it out but I have a very hard time taking it what's more I have an even worse time if someone else is taking it so to say - that is if someone is in pain I am just over-the-edge uncomfortable and with them every bit of it. Oddly enough I enjoy some physical pain (on my terms of course) like getting tats for instance or in bed LOL.
Anyhoo that seems enough for day one journal - to sum up I hate journaling so I am blogging instead and the topic shall be wth is an empath and am I one and if so why did I get the advise from multiple people to journal and how is this going to help me - or at least that is the topic for now!! LOL
Oh and just a few note taking - I am drinking but not much. I have been sleepy lately not sure if it's cuz I got a concussion about 10 days ago but my head still hurts and I did take my meds today and eat twice and drink plenty of water - oh shoot I forgot vitamins. If I have a snack I hope I remember to take those. end of day 1 WHEW LOL :)
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